Summer reruns 2015

[opusthepenguin]

BUT ALEX TREBEK, SIR

JEFF, a failed contestant (imitating Trebek): Ok, Linda, let's see what you put down.
(squinting)
I'm having a little trouble making it out. Oooohhh... Sor...

LINDA, another failed contestant (interrupting)
Oh Alex please stop squinting
And listen to my song.
It's just my lousy printing
That makes you think I'm wrong.
My scrawl was somewhwat careless.
I wrote with nonchalance.
Alex! Buddy! It's the right response.

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
Oh, Alex Trebek, sir, please say she's correct.
Confess your eyes are aging (meaning no disrespect).
Her penmanship's awful,
But don't get uptight.
Deep in your heart you know she's right.

LINDA
I am right!

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
She is right, she is right
She's so clearly right!
She's illegible but still she's right!

JEFF (imitating Trebek): (blinks several times) I suppose it's possible....

LINDA: Then gimme the win!

JEFF (imitating Trebek): Take it up with the judges. They decide the score.

LINDA (to BEN, a third failed contestant)
Oh, please can't this be RE-scored?
Kind judges, check again.
I grew up with a keyboard
And never held a pen.
I'm mildly dyslexic.
Arthritis makes me cramp.
Judges! I just wanna be a champ!

BEN (imitating a Jeopardy! judge)
But Alex Trebek, sir, she added a T.
That's more than sloppy writing, that's inaccuracy.
It changes the way her response is pronounced.
That's why this doofus must be bounced.

LINDA
Must be bounced?!

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
Must be bounced, must be bounced
But she can't be bounced.
She's come much too far to just get bounced.

BEN (still imitating a Jeopardy! judge): Attention! Attention! It is the ruling of the Jeopardy! judges that this contestant is wrong. There is no appeal.

LINDA: Hey, I got PLENTY of appeal!

Ben (as judge): Tell it to your friends. Maybe they care.

LINDA (to Mary, a fourth failed contestant)
My spelling was defective.
The judges got all tough.
I think it's all subjective.
How close is close enough?
Trebek just wouldn't listen,
Or give me half a break.
Well? Should I just... live with my mistake?

MARY (as one of Linda's friends)
NO!!! Alex Trebek, sir, don't be such a jerk.
She shouldn't be sent home when she did good honest work.
Your judgment's too stringent, it should be more loose.
She's got an excellent excuse.

LINDA
An excuse!

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
An excuse, an excuse,
It's the best excuse.
It's an airtight ironclad excuse!

MARY (as friend): In my opinion, this woman needs more than just sympathy from her friends. She needs the support of an entire network.

LINDA: Hear that, Trebek? I'm telling the network!

MARY (as friend): That's right! Tell it to the SOCIAL network!

LINDA (to Pam, a fifth failed contestant)
Dear Facebook, I'm a victim.
I got that final clue.
I hate to contradict 'em
But the judges know it's true.
I wrote an extra letter.
It was an accident.
Come on, Alex! You know what I meant!

PAM (as the voice of Facebook)
Well, IMHO* Trebek sir, you're just a big tool.
We LOL* at your decision 'cause we don't know the rule.
W-T-F*, dude, this time it's the end.
We'll never watch your show again.

LINDA
Not again?!

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
Yes again, yes again
Yes we're sure again
That we'll never watch this show again.

BEN (as judge)
Our judgment was no error.

FAILED CONTESTANT #6 (as random critic)
Your judgment smells to me.

FAILED CONTESTANT #7 (as random critic)
Your judgment could be fairer.

PAM (as the voice of Facebook)
Your "judgment"? OMG!

FAILED CONTESTANT #8 (as random critic)
Your judgment is so judgy.

MARY (as friend)
Your judgment is a blight.

FAILED CONTESTANT CHORUS
Alex, make a judgment that she's right.
Oh, Alex Trebek, sir, you know she was jobbed.
You'd better change the rules or else you're gonna get mobbed.
It's true that we're losers and making a scene
But, Alex Trebek, sir... you're mean!

---------------
* IMHO should be pronounce as two syllables--IM-hoe. LOL should be pronounced as a single syllable to rhyme with doll. WTF gets each letter pronounced, but with emphasis on the second syllable of W and on the F--duh-BULL-you tee EFF.

[Caboom]

BUT ALEX TREBEK, SIR

Wow. I certainly enjoyed that.

[dhkendall]

BUT ALEX TREBEK, SIR

That was a work of art my friend.

I propose that if we get all of these written in time for next year's TCONA, we get a bunch of boardies (hell, even non-boardies, I'm sure they'll enjoy it) to actually play Jeopardy! The Musical before an audience.

[Bamaman]

Well done, Brother Penguin.

[ZachTheRiah]

And, of course, Watson. Gotta have a Watson song. Preferably sung by Watson.

I see it being song a la Portal: to the tune of Portal/Portal 2's GLaDOS song.

Clever lyrics done by all!

[opusthepenguin]

Well done, Brother Penguin.

I blame you. Your post provided the narrative through-line and got me thinking. I started playing around with some ideas and after a fair amount of effort... I was less than a third done. I'd forgotten how long and tricky the song is. But for me, the sunk cost fallacy isn't an error so much as a way of life.

[opusthepenguin]

And, of course, Watson. Gotta have a Watson song. Preferably sung by Watson.

I see it being song a la Portal: to the tune of Portal/Portal 2's GLaDOS song.

Which one is that? Youtube gives me all sorts of options. Would the tune accommodate the words "The Prize Is a Lie"?

[ZachTheRiah]

And, of course, Watson. Gotta have a Watson song. Preferably sung by Watson.

I see it being song a la Portal: to the tune of Portal/Portal 2's GLaDOS song.

Which one is that? Youtube gives me all sorts of options. Would the tune accommodate the words "The Prize Is a Lie"?

"Want you gone" or "Still Alive" are good choices then...

[dinghammer]

I've been using The Final Wager to look at the FJs for the reruns I haven't been watching this week and comparing them to how I remember doing the first time.

M: / Didn't remember it from the first time.
T: / The first time, I could only think of "act." This week, it went, "Run? No, I got this wrong the first time. I know -- act!"
W: / I knew it was a phrase I knew the second time, but I just couldn't think of it.
Th: / Couldn't think of Hokkaido the first time. Remembered it this time.
F: /

[TheSunWillComeOut]

BUT ALEX TREBEK, SIR

I motion that this be made the official theme song of the J! Facebook page.

[Bamaman]

My DVR says the next two weeks are kids and celebs.

[patkav]

My DVR says the next two weeks are kids and celebs.

Aaaaaand...time to change that season pass.

[Peachbox]

Set to the tune of Always True To You (In My Fashion) from Kiss Me Kate. Thanks and apologies to the late Cole Porter.


Why can't clues be faves?
Oh why, can't clues be faves?

It's so nice when Jeopardy! writers
Use the categories we crave

If not, sad but true.....
Easy to boo-hoo
But here I must say

After subjects are announced
And we see a Forrest Bounce
Oh those bouncing clues I will pounce on any day
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my way

When the subject's history
Perhaps 19th century
If that century is to be I'd yell hooray!
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my way

Could be one on queens and kings
Or the many Saturn rings
If the kings and rings are the things I'd do ok
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my way

Some contestants move top-down
And they rarely jump around
If the style's top-down I won't frown I have to say
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my way

Daily doubles you can try
Get your total very high
If the try's awry I'll get back into the fray
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my way

"Dreaded Opera" on the dock
Debussy or Offenbach
If it's opera talk I won't balk I'll just say yay
Je vais toujours choisir darlin' in my fashion
Je vais toujours choisir darlin' in my way

When the Final Wager's set
Just $4,000 I will bet
With that bet's a chance I may get another play
But I'll always choose the clues darlin' in my fashion
Yes I'll always choose the clues.....darlin' in my way!

[brick]

I don't mind sayng I did very well today. With a Coryat of $41,800 I outpaced all the contestants. BAM!

[Vermonter]

As Alex might say, much of the "Songs on the Radio" category in Kids Week #1 was after my time.

[Fleeboy]

Arrived late to this thread. A deep bow to all the Jeoparodists who have contributed.

As Peachbox has already selected my favorite song from the "Kiss Me Kate" score, I'll grab some low-hanging fruit from the same tree. It's a cautionary tale about a contestant who failed to heed Porter's advice to "Brush Up Your Shakespeare":


Why can't Chu behave?
Oh, why can't Chu behave?
Not enough was quiz-show glory
Mainstream stardom did he crave
Oh, why can't Chu behave?

Why can't Chu be good?
Play the game as he should?
From co-opting Forrest's bounce
To the tie offers he gave
Oh, why can't Chu behave?

He thought that through the T-o-C he'd breeze
But forgot, alas, the home of Pericles
No talk shows, no document'ries
Doomed to lament like Siegel, Dave
Oh, why can't Chu behave?